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yayayyy, they're so cute. i hope we keep all 6.
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| i'm quite excited, i can't lie. i hate knowing that i'm going to make bad decisions though. a huuge part of me always feels wrong drinking, but i have fallen harder under peer pressure than i ever thought was possible. i never used to be a drinker, even in the slightest. in fact, i was quite against it. & i feel like i still am! but i'm such a freaking hypocrite. ): i feel like i just need to graduate right nowwww so i can get away from everything. i know that i will, too. i'll be surrounded by good catholic influences, something that i'm not used to at all in high school. even though i go to a catholic high school (they're not at all like you'd imagine). but yeah, so practically my whole family has gone to this university & they've alllllll said that it's the best place to be & a great experience. & i already have a roommate, so i'm verrrry excited.
ahh, anyhow.. i don't have school tomorrow because of prom, so i have a good ol' day of laziness. but ughh, i don't think i'll be able to get a run in. /: cause i have to shower really early so that my hair dries, blah blah. that sucks, too, because i haven't run since monday. i've been way too lazy this week! ahh. i think i'll die during my next run. oh well.
today was another badddd day, school-related. i got a freaking 57% on an anatomy test. words cannot explain how badly i hate that class & how much the information just does not click with me. i mean my friend got a bloody 83% or something, & he didn't even open his notebook! & i studied! i take down every single note, & i still do horribly. yet another reason why i need to graduate. so i can move on to classes that actually interest me. & have nothing to do with science.
i've also had a lot of anxiety yesterday & today. why must i be so obsessive?!?!? it's so freaking pointless! my petty worries don't even matter when you look at the span of things. i'm so self-absorbed, i can't even stand it anymore. i never thought i would get to this point in my life, ever. i just want it to go away right now. it's making everything worse in my life. hdsuiarhawlknfsdkdjr.
someone please just brainwash me.
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| welllll, today was quite crazy. not a very good one, as i'm extremely sad to be back from texas. right when i got home, i was just instantly in a bad mood. & then i get to school & every teacher is like, "hey, test tomorrow," "you missed a quiz," "you missed a lab.." ONE FREAKING DAY I MISSED. & it felt like 5! i never want to go back to school, it's the absolute worst. & now i have 2 tests to take tomorrow that i feel very unprepared for. fabulous. seriously, all i have to look forward to is prom on friday. & the fact that we don't have school that day. (: yayay.
i definitely need to go for a run tomorrow. i haven't since monday. which was when i did my 10 mile run! the longest i've done so far. so it's an accomplishment. (: only 3 more & you've got a half-marathon! which is coming up seriously soon. yeeeeks.
oh, but i'm also pumped because i missed track today, soo i don't have to go to the meet tomorrow, which meeeeans i have tons of time to frost all of the cakes for prom. so that defffs made my week a whole lot better. i was stressin' to the bone.
k, i'm out. i'll try to write about something a little more thought-provoking tomorrow? haha. laterz.
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| my old xanga was dedicated to wanting to lose weight & be thin. i was part of a community of girls who use this site to post intakes & outtakes of food & current weights & to post pictures of thin girls & celebrities as "motivation" so lose weight & be a stick. i would go back & forth with whether or not i wanted to be a part of this circle, & i when i was a part of it, i knew it wasn't a good thing for me to be doing. i already have an unhealthy obsession with eating & food in general, & signing onto xanga & reading everyone's blogs just made it worse everyday. it furthered the amount of time i spent thinking about how i want to lose weight. the fact is, i don't need to lose weight at all. the mindset that i have, however, is one where i want to be at a place where i used to be. a certain weight & a certain size that i achieved before & now feel the need to achieve it again. i really want to get over this, so in order to do so, i'm deleting my previous blog site. i need to open my eyes to the bigger things in life & just stop focusing on myself & my superficial desires. so that's what i plan on aiming for through this site. i want to make new friends & change the way i think. i hope i can get there. (:
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| Yo. This is my second Xanga. & a fresh start. SUP. | | |
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